The summer before my fourteenth birthday I met my first boyfriend at church camp. It was short lived but that was the start of many more boyfriends to come. In the following years it seemed like I was always occupied with someone. Either in a relationship, breaking up, going on a date or mentally crushing on someone. I’ve consumed hours, days, months, and years of my time to something I wasn’t emotionally ready for.
Growing up I’ve had a couple of obsessions and one of those being TV romances. I loved One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl and most other intense high school TV shows. Now looking back I realize these romances look nothing like what a healthy committed relationship should look like. The more destructive, controlling or manipulative the relationship is, the better the chemistry the couple had. So once my relationships started mimicking these television romances, I understood love to be painful.
In 2013, when I finally got out of a pretty toxic and painful relationship, it was evident that I needed to detox. The detox started with a 4 month solo backpacking trip to gain some perspective on who I wanted to be. This trip helped me gain courage, intuition, confidence and for the first time I realized that I didn’t NEED a man.
I didn’t need someone to make decisions for me. I didn’t need someone to support me. I didn’t need to be told I was worthy. I didn’t need to be told I was lovable. But I also didn’t need to put up with the pain anymore. What I needed was to enjoy my own company.
Since 2013 I’ve done some tremendous work. I’ve had many breakthroughs and continue to aim to be my best self. One of the greatest lessons I’ve had to learn is that boundaries were essential in self love and self care. I still am having to learn this because I want to be liked by everyone- but putting everyone before myself isn’t self love.
Now four years later I am still single. Gratefully single. Because I know that when I am ready to start seriously dating again, it’s going to be with someone impeccable.
If you feel like you are constantly dating someone and don’t know how to be alone. Or you easily let relationships define you. Then check out S.L.A.A, it’s a 12 Step Program focused on sex and relationships. S.L.A.A. helps define your unique struggles and patterns, give you a healthy dating plan and provide you with a community that will support you throughout this self discovery.