As you may have read in my previous posts, last year was a rather challenging one. But in the best and worst of ways. So instead of extending the process, I decided to take a moment to catch my breath. The process of shedding layers was happening too quickly for me to trust this metamorphosis.
As a massive risk taker and enthusiast, having a plan B isn’t necessarily in the back of my mind. I give things a go, see if they work out and then go from there. I’ve always prided myself on my independence, flexibility, and adaptability. So far that has worked out really well for me. But this time around I seemed confronted in too many ways for me to feel assured. Unfortunately it actually took a major hit to my confidence, which clouded my clarity in efforts of moving forward.
Therefor a bold decision in February lead me to book a flight to Auckland in order to change my visa to a work and travel, and enjoy Sydney a bit longer. Two days after arriving in Sydney I took another massive hit. Literally hitting another car- I was completely fed up. I had enough of it all, and was ready to get back to my comfort zone. My impulses compelled me to buy a one way ticket to San Francisco and start over. My emotions hijacked me without giving myself a moment to even think about it- the drama heightened.
A few days later the guy I ran into, calls me to check in on me. Plot twist, the guy called to offer me his car! He shared that he empathized with my situation and had an extra car, therefor being able to gift me his. I literally laughed in astonishment. It felt like such a surreal conversation that I was unsure how to actually process such a grand gesture and kindly let him know I had to sit on the offer for a few days.
As someone who believes in God miracles- this definitely felt like one of them. My mentor on the other hand suggested I question this “God miracle” and use some wisdom towards this.
Boiling all this content down- here are two massive lessons I am currently learning.
- To know and own my value regardless of my occupation, finances, belongings or social status for I am worthy regardless.
2. Slow down and ask some difficult questions. Is this a want or a need? Does this suit me?
Within the last months I noticed that my lack of confidence and fear of failing kept me from making decisions that reflected my values. Which continued to chip away at my confidence. But confidence is a feedback loop! In order to gain confidence, you must be confident. You may wonder where to start. Start with setting boundaries – healthy boundaries in your friendships, relationships, work environment and time. Confidence is built on self respect – and even if you have to fake it till you “believe” it. I guarantee if you cultivate this habit now, you can prevent yourself from massive heartache! You’ll be so grateful to have learnt this lesson rather sooner than later.
If you are really struggling with boundaries, it may be because you’ve lost sight of your worth, or have an inaccurate view of your self worth. Try reflecting on things you love about yourself. Maybe ask trusted ones what they like about you and deliberately try to reacquaint with yourself. Journal about a moment you did something that made you proud. Listen to a song that reminds you of a version of yourself that you love. If there is an activity you love doing- go do it! A major help for me as well has been taking personality tests! They’ve helped me asses my strengths better. You get the point- pat yourself on the back, tell yourself you are a good looking beast that has been created by an Almighty God and you ARE God’s gift to earth. Then go think about boundaries that will not hurt you, but help you flourish.
All that being said, New Zealand helped revive me. Partly the serenity and majestic landscapes. Partly the bold adventure of renting a car with two strangers I met off of Couchsurfing.com. But even more so the words that resonated in my heart while adventuring the gorgeous Island.
“Arise, my dearest. Hurry, my darling.
Come away with me!
I have come as you have asked
to draw you to my heart and lead you out.
For now is the time, my beautiful one.
11 The season has changed,
the bondage of your barren winter has ended,
and the season of hiding is over and gone.
The rains have soaked the earth[n]
12 and left it bright with blossoming flowers.
The season for singing and pruning the vines has arrived.[o]
I hear the cooing of doves in our land,[p]
filling the air with songs to awaken you
and guide you forth.
13 Can you not discern this new day of destiny
breaking forth around you?
The early signs of my purposes and plans
are bursting forth.[q]
The budding vines of new life
are now blooming everywhere.
The fragrance of their flowers whispers,
“There is change in the air.”
Arise, my love, my beautiful companion,
and run with me to the higher place.
For now is the time to arise and come away with me.”
– Song of Songs 2: 10-13
It’s a new season friends! And I whole heartedly believe that my efforts of not shying away from these storms will shape me into an even better wholehearted version of myself. If you by chance have some tips or thoughts on any of this madness- please let me know. I love hearing about the storms you’ve conquered as well.